Trying

I TRY NOT TO MAKE THINGS WORSE BETWEEN US AS I ALREADY KNOW THE DAMAGE I HAVE PLACED,THE IMPACT I HAVE CAUSED THE MEMORYS YOU WANT SO BAD TO BE ERASED,THE SILENCE THAT HAS TO BE FACED,I HAVE TO BE CANCELLED I UNDERSTAND, THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAVE PLANNED,I JUST NEED STRENGTH RIGHT NOW TO STAND,IF I COULD CHANGE IT ALL I REALLY WOULD, FEELING I FEEL STILL MISUNDERSTOOD, I MEANT NO HARM ONLY GOOD,I WISH THAT I COULD JUST TAKE IT ALL BACK, FIGURE OUT WHERE I GOT OFF TRACK, CHANGE IT ALL AND THIS TIME WITHOUT SLACK,LOVE IS REALLY A RAZOR THAT CUTS LIKE A KNIFE, I FEEL IT MORE EACH DAY AS I CONTINUE THROUGH LIFE,PLEASE GOD HELP ME GET THROUGH THE STRIFE,
9/28/07

As much as I would love to say that everything is alright,
I cannot say it because I think about it everyday and everynight,
Somewhere somehow in this world I have lost sight,
Still reaching, in this battle I continue to fight,
All things happen for a reason they have told me,
But why do these reasons bring pain and misery,
To my heart you will forever hold the key,
Because I still will love you for eternity,
This be the reason I can only wish you the best,
Continue to pray that you will be blessed,
I will always beleive in the love we confessed,
But for now my words my heart i will put to rest...

9/24/2007

Blown

BLOWN TO AN INDECRIBABLE STATE, A FRIENDSHIP TURNED TO HATE, AS YOU DISPISE MY FATE, AND HURT MY OWN CHILDREN AT ANY RATE,FUNNY HOW WHEN YOU NEEDED ME I WAS ALWAYS THERE, NOTHING I HAD I COULD NOT SHARE, BECAUSE I REALLY DID CARE, BUT MY CHILDREN EVEN YOU COULD NOT SPARE,BLOWN BY THE ENY THAT CAUSED YOU TO DISPISE, THIS TIME I CANNOT COMPROMISE,THIS DRAMA YOU CAUSE IS LARGE IN SIZE, YOU HAVE CAUSED MY HATRED TO RISE,BLOWN BY THE THOUGHT OF WHAT WAS SAID, NOW IN MY HEART YOU ARE DEAD, THE TAPE YOU PLACED IS SO RED, THIS TEAR WAS THE LAST I WILL SHED,I EVEN TOOK YOU IN, WHEN YOU FELT LIKE YOU COULD NOT WIN,AND I WOULD HAVE DONE IT AGAIN, BUT NOW ITS ALL WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN,BLOWN BY THE FACT I THOUGHT I KNEW YOU, THOUGHT THAT YOU CARRIED SOME TYPE OF VIRTUE, NOW WHAT TO DO, TAKE THINGS DAY BY DAY AND CONTINUE,I WAS TOLD ONCE YOU WERE TWO FACED, I THOUGHT YOU WERE MISPLACED, NOW YOUR ACTIONS ARE DISGRACED, AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP HAS BEEN ERASED,I HAVE HAD ALOT OF HURT IN MY LIFE, I DONT WORRY UNTILL IT CAUSES MY CHILDREN STRIFE, THE GAMES YOU PLAY HAVE CUT LIKE A KNIFE, ALL BECAUSE YOU WONDERED ONE DAY WOULD I BECOME HIS WIFE,BLOWN BY THE FACT YOU COULD NOT COME TO ME, INSTEAD YOU PLAYED FOUL AND GREEDY, WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME BE, AND YOU KNOW IN MY HEART HE HOLDS THE KEY,FUNNY HOW LIFE TAKES ITS TURN, WHEN WILL I EVER LEARN, I NEED TO STOP AND NOT TAKE CONCERN,AND LET THIS FRIENDSHIP BURN,I WOULD HAVE LISTENED IF YOU WOULD HAVE SPOKE, BUT INSTEAD YOU'VE GONE FOR BROKE, AS YOU PRY AND YOU POKE, BLOWN BY THE LENGTHS THAT YOU HAVE GONE, THE THOUGHTLESS ACTIONS YOU HAVE SPAWN, THE SWORDS YOU HAVE DRAWN, DONT WORRY THOUGH I SHALL CARRY ON,YOU COULD NOT HAVE THOUGHT, BEFOR YOU BEGAN TO PLOT, I WONDER IF YOU RECEIVED THE GRATITUDE YOU SOUGHT, AS YOUR SOUL WAS BOUGHT,BLOWN BY THE FACT YOU REALLY DON'T CARE, YOUR WORRIES ARE NEITHER HERE NO THERE, YOUR GAMES JUST PLANTED ANYWHERE, FOR THIS ONE TIME NOTHING CAN COMPARE,I CANT REMEMBER EVER BEING BETRAYED LIKE THIS, BEING TRAPPED IN A BULLSHIT BLISS, YOUR CHILDREN I WILL TRUELY MISS, NOW ALL I CAN DO IS REMINICE."THIS BE THE DAY I WAS TAUGHT A TRUE LESSON. NEVER WILL I AGAIN BE PUT IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS...I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT ALL WAS SAID...BUT I CAN SAY YOU DID NOT FULLY THINK ABOUT ANYONE BUT YOURSELF...SOMETIMES IN LIFE YOU HAVE TO THINK THAT IT COULD NOT ONLY HURT ONE BUT EVERYONE THAT IS A PART OF THAT PERSONS LIFE" 9/14/2007

9/11/2007

Taking blame for actions for all satisfactions something like the fall guy but again I continue and I try. Losing sleep as I continue to weep over circumstances that continue to seep. I have no control as it continues to bleed my soul and my kids follow through yet another toll.I have so many lessons learned for all the love that I have yearned only to be let down as they begin to clown my world still left upside down.So through out life I learn to be strong because forever for me does not last long, can you hear my song.I realize now that none were meant for me, and my love you can only see the beauty, love me with all my iniquity.I do not have it in me to be mean or have revenge for those who infringe as I continue on this binge.I have thoughts of aggression that steal this obsession this is the truest confesion.So I write these poems to release all pleasure and pain within me my ink begins to drain but still yet keeps me sane when outpours the rain.Life changes people move on I am still yet a pawn as I continue on.My boys I look into there eyes as my heart crys yet within this smile I carry my disguise.They ask me why I cannot deny makes me want to cry I smile but within I feel like I am going to die.

Can I Come In?

It’s the talk you talk, the line you walk, the way you move your tone so smooth, that silenced swagger, sharp like a dagger….Can I come in…
It’s the way you speak so unique, the subtle grin, I yearn from within, keeps me all in a daze, my eyes in a glaze. Can I come in…
it’s the strength you carry, nothing scary, the courage you know, that keeps that flow, fine like wine, just give me a sign. Can I come in…
It’s your hard candy mind, yet so sexy and fine, you light up the night, with words of insight, as I continue to desire your love on fire. Can I come in…
You are so unique, with the words you speak, as the storm clears, your pain disappears, as love transcends, your journey begins. Can I come in…
As you taste the bread of words said, trying to trust what used to be lust, motivated by positive energy, to set you free. Can I come in…
it’s the way you choose not to loose, my reaction to your satisfaction, the freaky side that I want to ride, the rhythm within your soul, that places achievement upon your goal. Can I come in…
the strength to survive, knowledge to stay alive, your kindred ways, your hard worked days, without complaining, as its raining. Can I come in…
it’s the way you shield me from my pain, the way you maintain, that powerful feeling, like sexual healing, yet that’s an untold story, waiting for orgasmic glory. Can I come in…
9/9/2007

An Oldie...

Its been a long time coming but now your gone,
You keep askin me why i'm moving on,
Well i left long befor you ever knew,
Another love lost because of you,
You keep saying I'm gonna want you back,
But honestly its knowledge that you lack,
It doesn't have to end this way you keep sayin,
And it will never be no matter how much you keep prayin,
See what you don't know you lost me long ago,
For my kids I stuck in their and tried not to let go,
But if you would have just opened your eyes, our love died,
With all the the pain inside and all the tears I cried,
Small thing I said did not mean much,
But then you questioned why i could not stand your touch,
All those times you hurt me built up and now its come to an end,
And you are still wondering why I can't be your friend.
You do not have a clue of what you took from me,
Nine years of my life but you still do not see,
Now you decide to apologize in a letter,
Nothing you say can make this better,
Now its too late and your singin on my phone about you and me,
No I wont and don accept your apology,
I cant recall those good times you talk of,
I guess i never will really feel love,
You say I am your back bone,
If so why was i left to feel alone,
You tell me I should do this for our family,
Again you don't feel me,
You fear my happiness without you,
Maybe your fear will come true,
I have peace with you no longer here,
Sorry I have no more of me to spare,
You just keep on beggin over and over again,
Still questioning why I won't let you in,
But you took all of me and threw it away,
Never realizing what I gave until that last day,
Now I just look for amazement somewhere someway,
I dont want the lies that fill your lips,
No more you no more trips,
I struggled to survive and this is my prize,
As I erase the tears from my babies eyes,
Now its you I am trying to erase,
Searching for that peaceful place.
So next time you here that song you say is for me,
Remember you pushed me away fromt that destiny.

The way i see it....
I can't be contained, while left untamed, unpredictable as the rain, but no ones to blame, sometimes it's all just too hard to explain.
Don't ask me a question if you don't expect the truth,Yes I was once too often overwhelmed ignorance and consumed by my youth,and the pain i felt was next to child losing their first tooth.
But I have grown and it is knowledge I stand by, experiences that I cannot deny, People out there acting like superfly,and history continues to scar as time passes by,
The way I see it....
Take for instance today, tell what you have done so great, who knows if tommorow is in your fate, not time to instigate or debate, this is so real, can you relate.
Don't waste your time with fake people who don't really care, choose life wisely pick the one's who will always be there, Lord knows Life is not always fair,And dreams and visions are not always clear, unpredictable situations need someone who will be there.
The way I see it.....
I won't tellyou to be a certain way, walk a certain way, do as i say, so that you can't blame me if you fall or you sway, because i can't promise you the next day.Or even promise everything will be okay.
No ones saying I am above the rest, just lifting some things off my chest, i don't love you any less, just letting you know i did what i could at my best.
The way i see it....
Backstabbers they are two faced and can go to hell, you i say, cant know me that well, you deserve a lonely cell, now go again run and tell,
Destroy me,know it cant be done, I am on my way up this race as number one, you want it but I am having to much fun, as i have already explained I am the real one,
Be who you are don't surprise me, i know you despise me,it all seems so funny, don't compromise for me.
The way i see it....
Don't apologize now that I have put out there for the world to hear, cause trust me its just a moment that people stop and stare, and tommorow they won't be there, i just want to make everything clear.
To sum it all up I am not pointing the finger towards anyone, you all know who you are as i come up like the rising sun, go ahead continue to have your fun, but dont say a word when i say I am done.

Lonesome Secret Lullaby
In the beginning my heart was begging me to let you in,
My mind contemplating and telling me I could not win,
Your smile still lingers in the air, and your words continue to touch,
I did not realize that everything we shared then would mean so much.
Like a lonesome soldiers cry, this begins my lonesome secret lullaby,
Time continues as we smile and go on, but to you I will forever be drawn,
Though possibly this could have be the biggest mistake of my life,
My destiny is to forever wonder as I carry on as another's wife,
The curiosity was there I cannot deny, Now all I have left is this lonesome secret lullaby,
A part of you though will always be placed in my heart,
And my love continues forever whether together or apart,
Its possible I will go to my death bed knowing it was I,
As I keep inside this lonesome secret lullaby.

Your soul seeks me as we endeavor on this new day.
I represent you as you struggle and begin to sway.
When you are sad ,untuned, and hurt I pray.
You will never be alone as you journey to find this new way.
No entity,zip,zilch,zero could calculate the steps I will go for you.
Nor could they imagine, concieve, visualize, the things I would do.
You are my beloved, my dearest, my loved one, my honey and without you I am through.
So when you are tired, exhausted, and cannot go anymore,
Let me hold you, carry you through and help your wings to soar.

The TRUELY Unhappy Man

Collateral resources have become the conclusion to all this confusion that causes this temporary kind of delusion as he ponders upon another illusion.
As he tries to eliminate the seed of hate, yet he still carries the infidelity he loves to hate, as his soul is deeply embedded with this trait, an unwelcome passion that cancels his true love’s fate,
Driven by physical attraction, that causes more dissatisfaction, love lost once again is the only reaction, not joy to gain but only subtraction,
Lengthened mistakes that continually raise the stakes, his life’s full of so many different heartbreaks, but yet chosen by the decisions he makes,
Can he ever see the light, choose to do what is right, will this forever be his internal fight, as he contemplates tomorrow each and every night,
Blinded by fallacies that seem so real, just a quick fix one quick feel, ravenous like a lion eating his last meal, breaking a vow that once had a seal,
An adrenaline rush that carries him away, as he shames the devil each day, and takes the bait and is driven to play, as all morals are thrown away,
He is reflection of a child with a new toy, who throws it to the side for a new moment of joy, he is built like a man but has a mind of a boy, with only himself to annoy,
Lies incriminate his social outbreak, as he describes a reality that is so fake, make no mistake, he has no rules on how far to take,
His luck has ran thin, as he continually fights from within, he cannot tell how many places he’s been, if she was a lover or friend,
On the road to destroy another without fear, get what he wants, no guilt is near, never being sincere telling only what she wants to hear,
It’s just one big game, rightfully earned his shallow name, countless heartaches to add to his collection of fame, a gallery full with no one else to blame,
Well all I can say is keep walking the line, as the path for destruction fills his mind, he is like a filthy swine, and has audacity to think everything’s fine, one day karma will bite him from behind.

Thoughts

Deep thoughts,day to day lessons, aggressions, daily deppresions, counseling sessions, a mothers oppressions,all built up for sundays confessions,
A man starves for the knowledge but does not know, we all have reprecussions from the seeds we sow, not being accountable for what we do not know, but yet still having time to grow, so we do not end up in the firey pits below,
Lies twisting tightly, rumors changing so slightly, thieves stealing politely, teen pregnancies taken lightly, you talk too quick and too slyly, as time passes by me, but yet still praying nightly,
A world ran by money fortune and fame, all part of the evil one's drug game, but in this life a bullet has no name, a man can die as fast as he has came, a greed for money so hard to tame,
Horrific crimes all in the news, a mans wife battered and bruised, a baby dies in a case of abuse, a crack addicts child left confused, another demon loosed, another woman left feeling used, another man being amused,
But yet we struggle and strive to stay alive, with all that is killing us we still survive, as the pain cuts like the sharpest knive, our life falls down into the cement dive, left with little hope to derive,
Sinning on a daily basis, the pain covered by the alcohol he chases, in a world full of racist, a courtroom filled with too many cases, who knows which death he faces, because he has been too many places, constantly trying to figure out the mazes,
Worldly decisions being made to fast, becoming this worlds outkast, while a cell in hell is being built to last, all because of decisions from the past,oh God its all moving so fast, it can be over in just one blast,
Information given so freely nothing is hidden anymore, spread your wings of knowledge and soar, learn that God is the core, when you cannot take anymore,take the Bible and explore, figure out the purpose you were placed here for, open up the once closed door.

Let Me Be

My solemn state is due to conflict that arises within my soul, you have no control, something in me which causes this toll, that which creates my poetic flow,
Circumstancial events that take me to this lonesome state, through my writing I communicate, you cannot debate my fate, throughout this world filled with hate, so very solemnly evil will instigate,
Pain which is caused by past events, at times mistakes making dents, thoughts of spiritual awakenings making sense, harbored reaping that satan rents,
I rebuke every action that causes this dismay, I have integrity you can't take away, on my knees forever I will pray, for that brighter day,
Turbulence caused is all behind me, through my Lord I hold the key, so evil just let me be, again you have lost and I am free.

A confirmation of ones own strength from within, it is the weakness of many men, also it can be the cause of your sin,
In an instance it can steal your joy and delight, turn your sunny day into a dark night, produce negativity to cause a fight,
It looks so sweet but bitter to the taste, just know the trap has been placed, your not alone in this, all have been faced,
They key to survival is recognizing its path, denying its wrath, standing strong as the others may laugh,
Just an evil put to even the score, make you want more, lose what you may adore, But yet it is rotten from to the core,
Temptation.......
VERSE: No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. -- 1 Corinthians 10:13

Friendship

Friendship,acquaintances people passing by,friendship closeness you can't deny,words of wisdom only they can supply, a real friend one who can't tell you a lie, need that friend to just get by,
Someone special who can be there when you can't find the light, someone to cry with late at night, when you and yours have had a fight, someone to make things better when they don't seem right, a real friendship so tight,
Honesty,perserverance, faith in you, some things only a friend can do, give you advice when you don't have a clue, show you goals you never knew you could pursue, someone true, everyone needs ones of these in their crew,
Simple hello to make your day, let you know everything doesn't always go your way, never let's you go astray, makes everything seem okay, not afraid to pray,
Speaks from experience and gives you advice, is honest with you at any price,never crosses that line even when bodies entice,
A friendship a bond not for everyone to share, one that will always be there, one who you know will always care, an untouchable pair.

Lessons On Love

I must say we have all taken this ride,
left speechless and tongue tied,
but each time we tried,
at times thought we had died,
many nights stood alone and cried,
Lessons On Love,
Love gained love lost,
Long nights we have tossed,
broken at times in a bitter frost,
At times love did have a cost,
Lessons On Love
Thoughts randomly placed through each trial,
But love comes with no denial,
At times we could reconcile,
Sometimes left with a smile,
Lessons On Love
Some shallow some deep,
but all lessons we keep,
And oh how we did weep,
Some hurt that won't let you sleep,
Lessons On Love
Maybe sexual maybe sensual,
But all we thought had potential,
Placed on pedistals with credential,
Lessons On Love
Now all these things have been taken,
Sometimes very mistaken,
Each time we learn and awaken,
Even though we are shaken,
Lessons On Love
But even though sometimes we love to hate,
We are not allowed to debate,
Our minds we masturbate,
But in the end this all is placed on fate.
Lessons On Love

Sexy is a woman

Sexy is a woman that can be a mans backbone, not have prejudice to skin tone, be his company when he is alone, but yet still hold her own,
Sexy is a woman that can deny an affair, have courage not share, because the next day he would not be there,be a woman that is aware,
Sexy is a woman that can trust her mate, who beleives in their fate, doesn't always have to debate, recognizes her soulmate,
Sexy is a woman that can pursue her career, be helpful and sincere, put aside her fear, also make her intentions clear,
Sexy is woman that can use her mind not her treasure, give a man pleasure, but still be on his side at any measure,
Sexy is a woman that can admit her fault, put all others to a hault, take the sweet with the salt, one who can't be sold or bought,
Sexy is a woman who can smile after a fight, bring darkness to light, continue to be polite, make each day seem bright,
Sexy is a woman who can cook a good meal, live life with zeal, have sex appeal, but never dish out a raw deal,
Sexy is a woman that can stand up on her feet, without being beat, in this world full of deceit, having time to make her man feel complete,
Sexy is a woman that can compromise, not live by lies, has nothing to disquise, take on problems no matter what size,
Sexy is a woman that can pray at night, admit when she is not right, doesnt allow every man to take a bite, keeps herself looking tight,
Sexy is a woman who doesn't have to be the center of attraction, recognizes distraction, gives her man satisfaction,
Sexy is a woman who can lend a helping hand, can sympothize and understand, take a firm stand, experience life firsthand,
Sexy is a woman who can take time to hear, be aware, have time to share, understands a good man is rare.

You have shown me

You have shown me
A desire for diferent ways,
a testimonial of past mind plays,
throughout our days,
taking me out of this maze.
You have shown me
A provacative but yet intricate feeling,
somewhat of a sexual healing,
a real man whom I am dealing,
Love so revealing,
You have shown me,
A splendid yet magical romance,
a sensual erotic love dance,
My heart put into a trance,
Unconditional love under any circumstance,
You have shown me,
A real man in touch with the way you feel,
you are the real deal,
as we engage in destinys final seal,
as our future begins to unreel,
You have shown me
Places I thought I would never go,
Every man is not a hoe,
Loving me is not for show,
It is not just about your ego,
You have shown me
The way love should really be,
me taking you and you taking me,
despite any of our iniquity,
not just for a moment but for eternity,
You have shown me,
Its not just about money, sex, and riches,
You said damn all those other b****s,
Stopped using all the lines, tricking,and pitches,
Looking over small glitches,
You have shown me
Happiness I can only feel with you,
Making all my dreams come true,
Doing what you do,
Coming into my life right on cue,
Babe this is why I Love You,
You have shown me.

Hoes Hoes Hoes

Hoes Hoes Hoes
Hoes come in various shapes colors and sizes
They move fast and get in when a problem arises
Hoes are dirty but that does not matter much
Because hoes have no heart no spine and are moved by touch
Hoes may cost hoes may be free
Its best to wear a glove they can be tricky
Hoes are used each and every day
Thank God for hoes keeping those weeds away.

Diamond Men

They say diamonds are a lady's bestfriend,
So now let me tell you about diamond men.
Diamonds in the beginning are just a lump of coal,
Diamond men are always striving to achieve their goal.
Diamonds are strong enough to cut through a thick peice of glass,
Diamond men strong but never fight a lady because of their style and class.
Diamonds they glisten, glow,shimmer and shine,
Diamond men never anticipate who is next in line,
Diamonds come in various color, forms, shapes, and sizes,
Diamond men have no secrets and wear no diguises.
Diamonds dress up a lady and make her stand up in a crowd,
Diamond men are real men that make you feel proud.
Diamonds look so sexy against a lady's skin,
Diamond men don't make you feel used when they enter in,
Diamonds captovate your eye and make you want to buy them,
Diamond men captivate your mind and make you wanna stand by him.
Diamonds can get dirty but with jewelry cleaner they are back brand new,
Diamond men are never scandalous or dirtyand always stay true.
Diamonds are lumious and so very pure,
Diamond men provide happiness and make you feel secure.
Diamonds are one of the most admired and wanted stone,
Diamond men have integrity and stand out on their own.
Diamonds are precious stones that were made from the man above,
Diamond men are God fearing and know how to love.
Diamonds are worth more money than gold,
Diamond men don't have hearts that are cold.
By:Carla
"Whether it is morning noon night hot cold or whatever season, ladies watch for those diamond men because theyare here for the pleason. And fellas you know if your a diamond man or not if you are be proud, and if not there is still time to get it right!"

Don't Fault Me

Don't fault me for questioning how it could really be,
Wondering inside if you are the one to make me happy,
I know deep inside our meeting had a meaning from above,
As you console me and and constantly show me so much love,
Don't fault me for thinking about you everyday and night,
A bond that will be forever, but first a friendship so tight,
I seek your approval but you don't even know,
Without you I do not know where I would go.
Don't fault me for wondering how you truely feel,
Will this someday be, and is this really real.
Small things you do continue to entice my desire,
Sweet things you say add fuel to this curious fire,
Don't fault me for loving your personality first,
If I only looked at the exterior things would be worse,
Pictures they tend to fade in and out of my brain,
As you place in me so much joy that used to be pain,
I try not to say all of the words that are really there,
Kinda silly but rejection I guess plays on my fear,
Don't fault me for thinking of scenes of me and you,
As they continually play, wondering could they be true.
Fate is an obstacle when you don't know where to start,
But a friend first can always steal a woman's heart.
Don't fault me for laughing at cute things you say,
Wondering what you are up to when your away,
Dont fault me for questioning could this really be,
But yet never closing my mind for endless possibility.